


Guilty Secrets

by Hester (hester4418)



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Humor, Mystery, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-25 19:10:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12042387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hester4418/pseuds/Hester
Summary: Kathryn finds out something about Chakotay that she later wishes she hadn't. Written for VAMB's Secret Summer Exchange 2014.





	Guilty Secrets

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Missyhissy3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missyhissy3/gifts).



> DISCLAIMER: _Star Trek: Voyager_ and all its characters belong to Paramount Pictures; no infringement of copyright is intended. The story however belongs to me.
> 
> As usual, many thanks to Eydie Munroe for the wonderful beta. All remaining mistakes are my own.
> 
> Written July/August 2014 for VAMB's Secret Summer Exchange 2014. Missyhissy3's request called for "A story in which Kathryn finds out something about Chakotay that she wishes she hadn't". This is the result.

Captain Janeway hurried down the corridor on Deck Five, barely noticing the people she passed. She had left the bridge in Tuvok's capable hands the moment the call from Sickbay had come through.

The double doors parted to grant her access to the Doctor's domain. Without breaking stride, Janeway walked straight up to the single occupied biobed. "Report!" she snapped.

"Multiple fractures, including three ribs," the Doctor replied without looking up from treating his patient. "Concussion, basilar skull fracture, second-degree burns to the face and upper body. One collapsed lung, ruptured spleen."

"Prognosis?"

"He'll live, but he'll be out cold for a few days while his body takes time to heal."

Janeway blew out a breath and muttered, "Lucky for him."

"Captain?"

"If he were conscious, I'd give him a proper dressing down right now. And if I weren't so damn glad that he's alive I might do that anyway, no matter his state of mind."

The Doctor tapped a button on the side of the biobed, and the surgical arch rose to cover most of his patient from view. "Be my guest, Captain. However, I'd like to point out that previous admonishments have shown no noticeable effect on the commander's behavior."

"Too true," Janeway grumbled, resting a hand on the arch and looking down on Chakotay's face. For the first time since entering Sickbay, she allowed herself to really notice the full extent of his visible injuries. The skin on his face and upper torso, as far as she could see it, sported an angry red color, a far cry from his usual deep bronze complexion. In addition, a large purple bruise covered his left temple and extended well below his hairline. More bruises as well as cuts and scrapes dotted his chest and arms, and likely the rest of his body as well.

"Is there anything I can do?" she asked, her voice much softer than before.

The Doctor paused, his eyes traveling to his patient's unconscious form before moving up to meet the captain's. "Strictly speaking, there is no medical indication for it, but..."

"Yes?" Janeway asked eagerly.

"Well, the last time Commander Chakotay was in a coma, Lieutenant Torres hung his medicine wheel above his head. The commander later told me that he very much appreciated the gesture. Maybe we should ask the lieutenant to bring the wheel again?"

"B'Elanna is still down on the asteroid with Ensign Kim, trying to salvage at least part of the shuttle that Chakotay crashed," Janeway sighed. "They're not expected back for another two hours, and the minerals in the asteroid are interfering with the comm system."

The Doctor shrugged. "I suppose it can wait. The commander's not going anywhere."

"No." Janeway straightened, her mind made up. "I'll go get it." She brushed an uninjured spot on Chakotay's bare shoulder with her fingertips as she turned to leave and whispered, "I'll be back soon."

The Doctor raised an eyebrow, but said nothing as he started treating the first officer's burns.

-==/\==-

Some days there was a definite advantage to being commander of a starship; for example, a captain's override code would grant access to any and all places aboard ship. Kathryn Janeway rarely used this privilege, but today she was glad that she didn't have to recruit a member of the engineering or security staff to help her break into Chakotay's quarters. Even though she knew she was acting foolishly, she checked the corridor up and down before she entered her first officer's domain.

Silence greeted her. At first she didn't know why she found that disturbing, but then she remembered that whenever she had been in Chakotay's quarters – most often for dinner – there had been soft music playing in the background. Pieces of different origins, periods and styles, usually playing so low that the sound went unnoticed unless there was a lull in the conversation or one was specifically listening for it. Now, the silence was all the more profound, emphasizing the absence of the rooms' resident.

Kathryn gave herself a mental shake. The Doctor had said that Chakotay was expected to make a full recovery, so they'd be having dinner here again soon, filling the silence with banter and laughter. Her mission now was to retrieve some items which would hopefully aid in Chakotay's convalescence.

She turned in a circle, trying to decide where to start. The wall hangings in the living room showed colorful tribal patterns, but the medicine wheel was not among them. She scanned the few shelves, but nothing there resembled the wheel either. Taking a deep breath, she entered Chakotay's bedroom.

She'd been in here before, passing through on her way to the bathroom, but she'd never taken the time to really look around. There were shelves and wall hangings here as well, but again the medicine wheel wasn't in sight. Kathryn sighed. Apparently she would have to go through Chakotay's closet and drawers if her search was to be successful. For a moment, her determination faltered; maybe it would be better to wait for B'Elanna after all. She'd known where to look for the wheel, which likely meant that Chakotay had told her where he kept it. Kathryn, on the other hand, had no real business being here, other than her concern for a fellow officer and friend.

A low, rustling sound startled her out of her thoughts. She stood perfectly still, ears straining to pick up the sound again – and there it was. It came from the other side of Chakotay's bed, from a corner of the room she couldn't see from her current position. Kathryn advanced slowly, holding her breath, until she could peek around the mattress. Then her eyes went wide and she froze in place, unable to process what she was seeing.

Two minutes later, she had caught herself enough to retreat silently the way she had come. She hurried out of Chakotay's quarters and into her own next door, where she sank into a chair and shook her head, still full of disbelief at what she'd just seen.

 _How could he? Doesn't he know that it is against regulations, not to mention extremely unpractical in our current situation? Of course he knows, which is why he kept it from you_ , she berated herself.

She wondered how long he'd been guarding this particular secret. Now that she thought about it, their last two dinners had taken place in her quarters, at his insistence. _I wonder if B'Elanna knows. I'll have to ask her as soon as she returns._

"Bridge to Captain Janeway."

As she slapped her communicator, she realized that she'd completely forgotten about the medicine wheel. "This is Janeway."

"Captain, I have bad news," Tuvok's disembodied voice informed her. "Lieutenant Torres has been injured. Ensign Kim just brought her back."

"Thank you, Tuvok. I'll be in Sickbay." Pushing all other thoughts aside, she jumped to her feet and hastened out the door.

-==/\==-

"What happened?" Janeway asked as soon as she entered Sickbay for the second time that day.

A haggard-looking Harry Kim snapped to attention. Janeway impatiently waved at him to relax, and he slumped back against a biobed. "We were almost done," Harry started to explain, his eyes straying to the far side of Sickbay where Torres was being treated by the EMH. "B'Elanna went back one last time to try and detach the main plasma regulator. We thought the shuttle's systems were dead, but suddenly there was a power surge and she got zapped."

"Zapped?" Janeway asked with raised eyebrows.

Harry shrugged nervously. "I'm not sure what it was exactly, but there was a bright flash of light. When I got to her, she was unconscious."

"Were you hurt?"

"No, Ma'am," he was quick to assure her.

Smiling, Janeway patted his arm. "Have the Doctor check you over just in case. And once he clears you for duty, I'll need a report on what you were able to salvage, and whether we need to send another team down to retrieve any missing parts."

"Yes, Captain."

She could tell by his quick reply that he'd already started compiling said list in his head. After giving him another reassuring smile, she went to join the Doctor at B'Elanna's side.

The half-Klingon chief engineer was unconscious but looked otherwise unharmed. Still, Janeway didn't like the frown on the Doctor's face. "How is she?" she asked.

"She's been exposed to a bioelectric shock which overloaded her neural pathways," he stated. Seeing the captain's blank look, he explained, "In essence, her central nervous system short-circuited and shut down to prevent further harm."

"Will there be any permanent effects?"

"I've repaired most of the neural damage, but I'd like to keep her sedated for another twenty-four hours to prevent any long-term impairment."

Janeway sighed. That was two crewmembers down and in a coma, and the day wasn't over yet. "Keep me informed of her status," she ordered and turned to leave.

"Captain," the EMH called her back, "did you bring the commander's medicine wheel?"

Janeway felt a pang of guilt. With Torres out of commission for the next day, she'd have to go back to Chakotay's quarters herself, invading his privacy even more than she already had. At the same time, she knew that it would mean a lot to him to have the wheel by his bedside – and there was another reason why she should go back and make sure that everything was in order.

"I hadn't found it yet when Tuvok called me about B'Elanna," she told the Doctor, "but I'll go back and look again as soon as I can."

"I could ask someone else, if you're too busy," the Doctor offered.

"No, it's fine," she cut him off quickly. "I'll let you know once I've found it." And with a last look at Chakotay's still form, she strode out of Sickbay.

_Oh, Chakotay, why did you keep this from me?_

-==/\==-

Janeway first made a stop at the bridge to check in with Tuvok and told him to hold position until Kim had had a chance to prepare his report. All further steps would be decided then. As there was only a half hour left of alpha shift, she then claimed she had business elsewhere on the ship. After Tuvok's curt acknowledgement, she left the bridge and headed back to Deck Three. Again checking left and right to make sure she wasn't seen, she entered Chakotay's quarters.

When the door slid shut behind her, she stood still, listening intently. At first she heard nothing, but then a soft whimpering reached her ears. Kathryn followed the sound into Chakotay's bedroom and peeked around the bed.

Tucked into the corner next to the head of the bed was a low wicker basket with a nest of blankets. In the middle of the blankets was a patch of jet black fur. When she'd first seen it barely an hour ago, the creature had been sleeping, but now a pair of blue-gray eyes peeked out over the rim of the basket. As soon as the animal saw her, it shrank back into the comfort of its warm nest, until only a tiny black nose remained visible. At the same time, the whimpering sounded again.

"Who are you?" Kathryn wondered half-aloud as she approached. "Or rather, what are you?"

At the sound of her voice, the small black head emerged for just a second before ducking down again. Kathryn knelt in front of the basket and cautiously reached for a corner of the blanket. As soon as she tugged on it, the creature's head emerged again, this time baring a row of small but sharp-looking teeth and growling.

Kathryn dropped the blanket and retreated a step. "All right, so we've established that you've got teeth and are probably not afraid to use them," she mused. "That still doesn't explain why Chakotay is hiding you in his bedroom."

The animal was growling continuously, and although she doubted that it could do her any real harm, Kathryn decided to retreat further to set it at ease. Once she had reached the foot of the bed, the growling stopped. A small, blue tongue flicked once, and then the creature settled back into its nest, warily keeping watch over the intruder.

Kathryn laughed quietly. "Once you get a little bigger, you might make a good watchdog." She decided not to approach the basket again and instead returned to her task of looking for the medicine wheel. All the while, she kept talking to let the animal get used to her voice. "I really didn't mean to disturb you, you know," she said casually as she opened Chakotay's closet and started rifling through its contents. "But Chakotay didn't tell me about you, so I was rather surprised to find you here." She closed the closet and turned to a chest of drawers next. When she threw a glance at the basket, she saw the black head turn to follow her movements. Opening the first drawer, she continued her chatter. "I wish you could tell me where he got you. Was it last week on Olegius Prime? Or maybe on the Certalian space station we stopped at before that? Either way, he should know that pets aren't allowed on Federation starships. I know, I know, there have been some exceptions in the past, but those don't apply on Voyager."

The whimpering sounded again, and when she looked up, the animal appeared almost pleading. Kathryn smiled. "Of course it's not your fault. But I'd sure like to know his reasoning once he wakes up." She closed one drawer and opened another and there, finally, she found Chakotay's medicine wheel. It was rolled up neatly, and a small leather pouch next to it contained the stones she remembered having seen in use last time. She gathered the lot, closed the drawer and straightened. "Well then, I've got what I came for. I guess I'd better leave you in peace."

When it saw her turning to leave, the animal whimpered again, louder than before. Kathryn frowned. "Are you hungry, little one?" Looking around, she noticed two metal bowls in the opposite corner of the room. Both were empty and had been licked spotlessly clean. "Oh dear," she sighed. "How am I supposed to know what you eat?"

Solving that problem turned out to be easier than she'd feared. Kathryn only had to check Chakotay's replicator records, which involved yet another use of her override code, to find out that he'd been ordering a number of strange foods lately. Most surprising was an inordinate amount of melted chocolate. She paused briefly as one particular use for that kind of chocolate came to mind, but then resolutely suppressed that thought. Some of the recipes had been grouped together under the heading 'Shadow's Favorites' and she chuckled quietly to herself as she ordered up two of the items Chakotay had replicated most recently.

"So your name is Shadow, huh?" she said confidentially when she replaced the two empty bowls with those she had just replicated – one containing liquid chocolate and the other some unidentifiable substance which smelled strongly of basil. The blue-gray eyes were watching her intently, but the creature made no move to leave its nest. Kathryn backed away slowly. "Okay, I'll leave now so you can eat at your own convenience. But I'll be back later to check on you... and to figure out exactly what's gotten into Chakotay for him to bring you aboard." There was no reply, not that she had expected any. But the absence of any new whimpering made her hopeful that the creature had realized that she'd left food and that it would come out for its meal once she'd left. Then, she quietly let herself out.

-==/\==-

After a changing out of her uniform and eating her own dinner, Kathryn once more checked on Chakotay's alien pet. The animal was sleeping soundly, still tucked into its blanket, but both food bowls had been emptied completely. Smiling to herself, she refilled one with more liquid chocolate and set a bowl of water beside it, just in case. Then she returned to her own quarters and settled down at her computer terminal, determined to solve the mystery surrounding Voyager's latest 'passenger'.

Three hours, five coffee refills and countless implementations of her override code later, the picture was finally gaining clarity. She'd started with another look at Chakotay's replicator logs. To her great surprise, the commonly accessible files showed no unusual activity whatsoever; if anything, it appeared that he'd hardly used the replicator at all. Only after digging deeper into the system and overriding the protective setting on several files did she find what she was looking for: Chakotay had apparently rigged his replicator to save both an official, publicly viewable record of his orders, as well as a private log which could be retrieved only through the device in his quarters. Perusing this secret log soon told her that 'Shadow' must have come aboard roughly three weeks previously. When she checked the dates against Voyager's flight path, it appeared that Chakotay had indeed acquired the animal at the Certalian space station they'd stopped at for four days.

It had been a vast installation which served both as a trade hub and entertainment facility for all the space-faring races within thirty parsecs. Kathryn, with support from Neelix, had spent most of her time haggling for supplies. The rest of the crew, however, had each enjoyed several hours of downtime aboard the station, and she'd heard quite a few colorful stories about how the resident aliens liked to spend their spare time. Part of the station had been a large shopping area, easily three times the size of the promenade on Deep Space Nine. Kathryn had only caught glimpses of it on her way to and from the trade negotiations, but the station administrator had boasted that he'd be able to procure literally anything she could ask for. When she'd jokingly requested a coffee, he had presented her with no less than four different, delicious-smelling brews. Neelix had screwed up his nose at the scent, but Kathryn had excitedly tried them all and had ended up adding a barrel full of Galorkian spice-nuts to Voyager's inventory. These were carefully rationed now, so that they would hopefully last for several months. Kathryn already dreaded the day when she would run out of spice-nuts and would have to resort back to Neelix' 'better-than-coffee' substitute.

Smiling fondly at the recollection, she turned to examining the transporter logs of the past month, looking for any unusual signatures. On first glance, there were none. However, by now she had a pretty good idea of Chakotay's modus operandi and once again typed in her override code to access hidden and deleted files. Two minutes later, she found evidence that one of the transporter logs had been tampered with, to the effect that an unrecognized lifeform signature had been deleted. Furthermore, the transport had been activated by remote and aimed directly to Chakotay's quarters, bypassing the transporter room.

"That's quite a conspiracy you've been cooking up, Commander," Kathryn muttered to herself, feeling more and more amazed at the lengths Chakotay had gone to in order to disguise Shadow's presence onboard.

Following a hunch, she looked at the EMH's files next. And again, hidden deep in the Doctor's programming was evidence of him doing an examination on a 'female mammal of alien origin', pronouncing it free of pathogens, and the record promptly having been deleted afterwards.

At this, Kathryn frowned. Altering transporter logs and changing replicator records was one thing, but tampering with the Doctor's memory files was quite another. As soon as he was up and about again, she would have to have a serious conversation with Chakotay and berate him for taking his desire for secrecy several levels too far.

With that thought firmly in mind, Kathryn shut down her computer and yawned. She'd spent far longer on her investigation than she'd intended, but she'd also found out far more than she'd expected. Though Chakotay's reasons still eluded her, she would have to wait until he regained consciousness before she could ask him.

-==/\==-

The next morning, Kathryn called Sickbay first thing after getting up. Both Chakotay and B'Elanna were still unconscious, and she told the Doctor to inform her immediately of any changes in their condition. Then she got dressed and headed next door to check on Shadow.

The bowl of chocolate was once again empty, but the water hadn't been touched. Shadow was still asleep, and Kathryn cautiously sat down on the side of Chakotay's bed to try and get a better look at the alien animal.

The wicker basket wasn't big, and the nest filled it completely. Kathryn tugged at the corner of a blanket until most of the basket's occupant was exposed to her curious gaze. Shadow was lying on her side, four stubby legs stretched out from her belly, the small head with its pointed nose resting on a frayed pillow. The animal's body was only about twice as big as a grown tribble, and just as round. It was covered from head to paws in soft, black fur.

"I can see why he liked you," Kathryn muttered under her breath, "but I still don't understand why he bought you." She was about to pull the blanket back over Shadow's body when the animal's eyes opened suddenly. Shadow seemed surprised to see her hovering so close. The small black nose twitched, and Kathryn held her breath, prepared to pull her hand back quickly in case the creature attempted to bite her.

The black nose twitched again, and Shadow sniffed cautiously. Her head moved closer to Kathryn's hand, and she sniffed once more. After another small move, she was able to bump her nose against Kathryn's fingers, and the blue tongue reached out for a tentative taste. Kathryn waited patiently for Shadow to decide whether she was trustworthy. When the animal wiggled closer still and pushed her head into the palm of her hand, she knew she'd made a new friend. Moving slowly so as not to startle the furry alien, Kathryn reached down and stroked gently over Shadow's body. Immediately, Shadow relaxed under her touch, and she was soon able to pet the black head and discover tiny ears hidden under the mass of fur. A low, growling sound emanated from Shadow's body, but given the circumstances, Kathryn interpreted it as a sign of contentment rather than aggression.

The chirp of her communicator startled both woman and animal. Shadow jumped up and barked in almost dog-like fashion, and Kathryn swallowed her instinctive reply to the call so that no one would hear her companion over the comm system.

"I'm sorry," she said as she quickly rose and moved back into Chakotay's living room, touching the control that caused the bedroom door to slide closed. Only then did she hit her communicator. "Janeway here."

"Captain, Lieutenant Torres has just regained consciousness," the Doctor's cool voice informed her. "She is asking to speak to you."

"I'll be there in a few minutes," she replied, simultaneously listening for sounds from Chakotay's bedroom. Thankfully, Shadow remained quiet. "Have Ensign Kim join us. How is Chakotay?"

"Stable, but I'd prefer to keep him sedated for the time being."

"Understood. Janeway out." She sighed inwardly. Then she reopened the door to Chakotay's bedroom. Shadow was standing on the other side, blue tongue lolling out, small body quivering with excitement. Kathryn lowered herself to her knees and the animal moved closer, pressing her body against the captain's leg and pushing her nose into her hand.

"Yes, you're a good girl," Kathryn smiled and stroked the soft fur. Shadow gazed up at her. "Unfortunately, I can't stay and play with you. But I promise I'll come back later, okay?"

Shadow yapped once, as if she had understood. Kathryn patted her head again and then stood up. "Now let's see about getting you some more food." She perused the replicator choices and ordered 'Shadow's Favorite Number 3', followed by another bowl of liquid chocolate. This time, the food smelled of garlic. As soon as Kathryn set the bowls down, Shadow began wolfing down her breakfast.

"Easy," Kathryn laughed. "It'll be a few hours before I can come back, so don't eat everything at once."

Shadow continued, undeterred. Reasoning that she really had no idea how much food this creature needed over the course of a day, Kathryn replicated another bowl of Number 3 and set it down next to the first. Then she turned to leave, but her gaze caught on a bundle on Chakotay's dinner table – his medicine wheel, which she had dumped there the previous night before investigating his replicator records, and which she had then once again forgotten about.

She picked up the wheel and the bag of stones but then hesitated. If Chakotay woke up with the wheel above his head, he'd know at once that someone had been in his quarters. No, it was best to leave it behind if she wanted to keep this business between the two of them. She replaced the items on the table and departed, hoping that Shadow wouldn't tear Chakotay's quarters to pieces while left to her own devices.

-==/\==-

The meeting in Sickbay was over quickly. Torres was still disoriented and couldn't remember what had happened on the asteroid. Kim presented his report, ending with the recommendation to forego any further salvaging attempts on the downed shuttle. After listening to his reasoning, Janeway concurred, and the two of them made their way up to the bridge together. Before she left Sickbay, she took the Doctor aside and fabricated a quick excuse about how she'd just remembered Chakotay mentioning that his medicine wheel had been damaged recently, and that instead of restoring it he intended to make a new one but hadn't gotten around to it yet.

Half an hour later, the remains of Chakotay's shuttle had been vaporized, and Voyager was once again heading for the Alpha Quadrant.

The day was filled with the usual reports and meetings, but Kathryn found a few minutes after lunch to look in on Shadow. Once again, the animal was sleeping, curled up in her nest next to Chakotay's bed. The second bowl of food remained half-filled, so Kathryn only added more chocolate and went back to her duties.

B'Elanna Torres was released from Sickbay in the evening, with firm orders from the Doctor to remain off duty for the time being and to return for another checkup the following day. Once the sullen chief engineer had left, Kathryn approached the Chakotay's biobed.

"Is it really necessary to keep him sedated for much longer?" she asked, taking in his restored complexion.

The Doctor cleared his throat as if preparing for an extensive lecture, but at Kathryn's warning glance, he opted for the short version instead. "His internal injuries were severe, and although I was able to repair all the damage, it is usually advisable to allow the body some time on its own to complete the healing process. I had planned to revive him tomorrow morning, but I could do it now if you have an urgent need of his opinion on something."

It took Kathryn only a moment to decide. She couldn't bear to see Chakotay in this state any longer, as if suspended in stasis. He'd only been in Sickbay for two days, but she'd keenly felt his absence on the bridge and missed being able to turn to him for support or advice. Furthermore, she was burning with curiosity about Shadow, and only Chakotay would be able to provide more details. "Wake him up," she ordered.

With a look that plainly told her that he disagreed with her decision, the Doctor reached for a hypospray and pressed it against Chakotay's neck. Seconds later, the first officer's eyes opened. "What happened?" he croaked, and then coughed.

Kathryn helped Chakotay into a sitting position while the Doctor fetched a glass of water. As Chakotay took a few small sips, she explained about the shuttle accident.

He winced. "Were you able to retrieve the shuttle?"

"No," Kathryn sighed. "There wasn't enough left of it to make it worthwhile. Harry and B'Elanna salvaged a number of parts, and we vaporized the rest."

Chakotay looked down, twisting his hands in his lap. "I'm sorry."

Kathryn gently squeezed his shoulder. "I'm just glad you're alive," she said softly.

He reached up to cover her hand with his, and his deep brown eyes met hers. "So am I."

Kathryn felt a small jolt somewhere in the region of her stomach. It had been a while since a man had looked at her the way Chakotay was now. The last one had been Gath Lebin on Sikaris, and it had taken some effort from her to elude his advances. However, with Chakotay's gaze locked on her now, her thoughts strayed back to a certain bowl of liquid chocolate and the various uses for that substance...

She was jostled out of her pleasant daydream when Chakotay suddenly swung his legs around to the side of the biobed and confronted the EMH. "Doctor, I need to return to my quarters."

"Certainly not," the Doctor objected at once.

"But I can't get any decent rest here," Chakotay insisted. "The lights are too bright. And I'll need some quiet to meditate." He looked back to Kathryn, his eyes pleading for her support.

Of course Kathryn knew why he was so eager to get out of Sickbay, apart from his stated reasons which were also valid. He must be thinking of Shadow, and worried what the alien animal had done without his care for two days. Since he'd taken every imaginable precaution to ensure that no one even knew that Shadow was aboard, his best guess would be that she must be half starved by now.

"I don't think there's any harm in allowing the commander to return to his quarters," she said, fixing the Doctor with a penetrating stare and feeling Chakotay squeezing her hand in thanks. "And I'm sure that he will comply with any and all limitations that you will impose on his activities."

This last remark was directed at Chakotay, who dutifully nodded his head. "Of course, Captain."

The Doctor looked from one to the other as if sensing a conspiracy, but he had no way to counter it. "Oh, go on then," he finally exclaimed and turned away in a huff, muttering to himself about how patients ought to take their physicians more seriously.

Grinning behind the Doctor's back, Chakotay slid down from the biobed but then swayed. Kathryn quickly grasped his arm to steady him and he gratefully leaned on her for support. They had just crossed into the corridor when the Doctor's voice rang out behind them.

"Commander, I'll want to see you back here first thing after breakfast tomorrow."

Chakotay merely nodded, too focused on putting on foot in front of the other while still leaning heavily on Kathryn. When they paused to wait for a turbolift, he said, "Thank you for helping to get me out of there. Although I have to say that it was surprisingly easy. Have you been modifying his subroutines?"

"Not recently," Kathryn replied, giving him a sharp look. However, Chakotay had been greeting a passing crewmember and didn't notice her scrutiny.

They rode up to Deck Three, and soon the door to Chakotay's quarters came into view. He removed his arm from around her shoulders and smiled. "Thank you for the escort. I think I can manage from here."

"Are you sure?" She wanted to accompany him further, ostensibly to see that he got settled all right, but really to get another peek at Shadow and force Chakotay to spill his secret.

He, however, was having none of it. "Really, Kathryn, I'll be fine. I promise I'll be a good boy and get as much rest as I can so that the Doctor will have no grounds for complaining tomorrow."

"Alright." Reluctantly, she took a step back. "Are you sure you don't need any help?"

"Absolutely." Bracing one hand against the wall, he moved forward. The door opened at his approach and he quickly stepped inside his cabin, calling, "Goodnight!" back over his shoulder. Kathryn was left alone in the corridor.

She scowled at the closed door, imagining how Shadow would be leaping toward Chakotay, licking his hands and waiting for him to scratch her neck and stroke her furry body. He would be overjoyed that she was in good health after his two days' absence, but it wouldn't take long for him to wonder if anyone had been in his quarters during that time and had discovered his guilty secret.

However, Kathryn wasn't worried about him finding her out. She had covered her tracks far more professionally than he had his, once again thanks to her extensive override privileges. There was no record of her having entered Chakotay's quarters or having used his replicator, and she'd made it impossible for him to trace her investigations of his system accesses. She had also replaced his medicine wheel exactly where she'd found it and made sure that she had left no fingerprints on Shadow's feeding bowls. With any luck, Chakotay would never know that Shadow had ever had company at all.

-==/\==-

The next day passed uneventfully, and Kathryn used her time to tackle the eternally-present stack of reports on her ready room desk. Around noon she leaned back in her chair and reached for her coffee mug, but discovered that the contents had long since gone cold. When she set it back down, her gaze fell on a picture of Mollie, the Irish Setter she had left behind in the Alpha Quadrant.

An unexpected wave of longing hit her as she gazed at the image of her faithful dog. She'd had Mollie from the time she was a tiny puppy, and whenever she'd come home from a mission, the dog had been waiting at the door, as if sensing that this was the day Kathryn was coming back. At first, Kathryn's mother had taken care of her during Kathryn's frequent absences. Later Mark had taken on the role of dog sitter, but even so, Mollie had never wavered in her devotion to Kathryn, and had helped her through many a bad time over the years.

Several months ago, after receiving Mark's letter telling her about his marriage to another woman, Kathryn had removed all images of her former fiancé from her quarters and the ready room. However, she hadn't been able to treat Mollie's pictures the same way, even though the dog was also part of Mark's new family now and would probably remain with him even if Voyager miraculously made it home tomorrow. Giving her up would have felt like betraying Mollie's deep-rooted attachment, and that was something Kathryn just couldn't do.

Unbidden, the image of Shadow rose in her mind. The alien animal had warmed to her just as quickly as Mollie, and with her small puppy size, pointed nose and large, trusting eyes, she was the closest thing to a dog Kathryn had seen in almost four years.

Seized by a sudden, overwhelming longing to run her hands through the soft fur and feel Shadow's wet nose pressed into her hand, Kathryn rose to her feet. "Computer, locate Commander Chakotay."

"Commander Chakotay is in the mess hall."

 _Perfect_. The Doctor must have cleared him for limited off-duty activity so he wouldn't be cooped up in his quarters all day long. If she hurried, she could pay a quick visit to Shadow with Chakotay being none the wiser. "Computer, alert me once Chakotay leaves the mess hall."

A beep signaled the acknowledgement of her order. Without stopping to think about the implications of what she was about to do, Kathryn left her office through the back door and hurried down to Deck Three.

-==/\==-

Chakotay returned to duty the following morning, and Torres followed suit a few hours later. Voyager doggedly journeyed on toward the Alpha Quadrant, and the crew went about their daily duties with the efficiency of a well-oiled machine. The sector they were currently passing through was only sparsely inhabited, and the star charts Kathryn had obtained as part of her barter on the Certalian space station helped to plot a course that promised to be as safe as it was uneventful.

Now that they'd lost another shuttle, Torres and her staff were putting a lot of effort into upgrading the remaining support craft with the salvaged equipment. Probably feeling that this added workload was at least partially his fault, Chakotay had volunteered to help with upgrades. Engineering was usually not his strong suit, but since Voyager's mainframe was also in need of an overhaul, Torres had requisitioned all the personnel she could get and was grateful for his assistance.

Kathryn had readily agreed to all of B'Elanna's suggestions, mainly because it made sense to tackle the work now that there were no potential enemies close by – but also because the arrangement kept Chakotay away from the bridge and generally below-decks for several hours at a time.

For Kathryn had a secret, a secret that was even more guilty than Chakotay's concealing Shadow in his quarters. Every free minute she got – and even some of the times when she should have been on bridge duty but claimed urgent business away from Deck One – she snuck into Chakotay's quarters to cuddle or play with Shadow. She knew her behavior was wrong and a violation of Chakotay's trust, but she couldn't help it. The little black furball had stolen her heart, and the way Shadow greeted her excitedly whenever she appeared, and whined mournfully whenever she left, only fed her craving for the pet she couldn't have.

At the same time, her continued breaking into Chakotay's quarters made it more and more difficult, or actually impossible, to discuss the matter with him. Every morning, she resolved to finally bring it up, but always faltered when he greeted her with an open smile and she barely managed to smile in return. He'd asked her to dinner twice in the past few days – in the mess hall, not his quarters – and she had refused both times because she felt unable to look him in the eye when their conversation turned to any non-work-related topic. Interacting with him became so awkward that she found herself wishing that she had never discovered Chakotay's secret and remained blissfully unaware of Voyager's undercover passenger.

Several more days passed. With many people pitching in, upgrades to the shuttles were completed ahead of schedule, and Chakotay returned to the bridge full-time. Sneaking away to see Shadow became more difficult for Kathryn, but she still managed at least a few minutes every day, usually when Chakotay was on the holodeck or having a meal in the mess hall. She still avoided him as much as possible, but her guilty conscience got heavier every day.

Then, two weeks after his accident, Chakotay cornered her in the turbolift one morning. The lift doors had been about to close when he slipped through the opening at the last moment, startling her out of her contemplation of Seven's latest recommendations on increasing Voyager's overall battle-readiness by reducing living space in favor of doubling torpedo storage facilities.

"Good morning, Kathryn," Chakotay smiled.

"Good morning, Commander," she replied neutrally, her mind still busy imagining the riots among the crew should Seven's proposal ever become public knowledge.

"Computer, hold lift."

Kathryn's head snapped up, and she found herself looking straight into her first officer's concerned eyes for the first time in over a week. "What–" she started, but Chakotay was already talking over her.

"What's going on, Kathryn?"

Immediately, her defenses rose and she replied more harshly than she intended. "What do you mean?"

"You. Us." He gestured helplessly. "We're not talking anymore. I could understand if you're still mad at me for crashing that shuttle, but I thought I'd made amends by helping B'Elanna all week, what with the bridge being so quiet. Yet you still won't even talk to me."

Kathryn cringed inwardly. He had a point, but he was completely off-base concerning her reasons for keeping him at a distance. "I'm not mad at you, Chakotay," she said, favoring him with the kind of smile that she knew would put him at ease. "I won't deny that I was, at first, and if you hadn't survived I'd never have let you rest in peace."

He chuckled at that.

"I didn't assign you to help B'Elanna as a punishment," she went on, "but because I knew you were eager to return to work, and we really didn't need two people idly manning the bridge just for appearance's sake."

Chakotay chuckled again, but then leaned back against the wall and studied her. "Then what was it? Why did I get the feeling that you were avoiding me? You did refuse both of my dinner invitations," he pointed out.

Kathryn shrugged vaguely. "No specific reason, really. I just felt like I needed some time to myself." He wasn't buying it, she could tell, but he'd caught her by surprise, and her brain refused to come up with a credible excuse. Besides, she was tired of sneaking around behind his back.

"Well, no chance for that tonight," Chakotay said, pushing off from the wall and approaching so close that she was forced to take a step back. "Dinner, tonight, my quarters. And I will accept no excuses short of a warp core breach."

Kathryn instinctively made to object, but then realized what he'd said. "Your quarters?"

"Mmm hmm." His expression gave nothing away.

Curiosity got the better of her. "Alright. 1900 hours?"

"Perfect."

As he stepped back and told the lift to resume, Kathryn couldn't help wondering whether he'd found her out after all. But if he had, surely he wouldn't be this calm? Or maybe he was just waiting to catch her alone and in private before chewing her out?

By the time the lift reached the bridge, a nervous tingling had settled in the pit of her stomach, and she had resolved to tell Chakotay the truth tonight, no matter his agenda. She could only hope that her actions hadn't irrevocably damaged their friendship.

-==/\==-

When Kathryn arrived at Chakotay's door that evening, a bottle of wine clutched in her slightly sweaty hands, the tingling in her stomach had intensified to a simmering ache. All day long her concentration had been off as her mind had tried to imagine their impending confrontation, running through what she wanted to say and anticipating his reactions. In all honesty, she could not foresee the evening ending well. Chakotay had always valued his privacy, and her repeated breaking and entering had been a blatant disregard of even the most basic rules of friendship.

She also missed Shadow. This had been the first day in almost two weeks that she hadn't gone to see the furry stowaway, and now she had a feeling akin to caffeine withdrawal, adding to her nervousness.

With a start, Kathryn realized that she'd been standing outside Chakotay's door for several minutes, conflicting thoughts and emotions tumbling through her head. Taking a deep breath, she activated the chime.

The door slid aside with its customary soft whooshing sound. As she entered Chakotay's living room, Kathryn noticed at once that the door to his bedroom was closed. Looking around and perceiving Chakotay moving from the replicator to the table, two plates in his hands, she also realized that the lighting was lower than usual, but festive rather than romantic. Sprigs of pine adorned the table, and a single candle burned in a tall silver holder.

Caught off-guard, Kathryn took a moment to absorb the tableau. "What's the occasion?" she asked carefully, wondering if she'd forgotten about any significant occurrence.

Chakotay pulled out a chair and ushered her into it. "Christmas," he said, smiling enigmatically.

Kathryn stared at him in disbelief as he rounded the table and lowered himself into his own seat. "Chakotay, it's the middle of November! It won't be Christmas for another six weeks."

"I know." Again he gave her his mysterious smile. "But you've seemed a bit down lately, so I decided to give you your present early."

"Oh." She looked around but couldn't see anything resembling a present. "Then where is it?"

Chakotay laughed. "Patience, Kathryn." He indicated her plate. "Dinner first."

Kathryn heaved an exaggerated sigh but then picked up her fork. If he wanted to play, then fine, she'd play along for the moment. She was in no hurry to shatter his good mood, so her confession could wait until after they'd finished their meal.

They made small talk for a while, commenting on Neelix' latest culinary concoctions and comparing bits of gossip from the lower decks which had filtered up through Voyager's grapevine. Rather than calming her though, every shared confidence increased Kathryn's unease, and she hardly noticed what she was eating. With difficulty, she managed to restrain herself until Chakotay served desert, but after two bites she put her spoon down and faced him squarely.

"Chakotay, there's something I need to tell you..."

Immediately, he laid his own spoon down and gave her his full attention. "What is it, Kathryn?"

She fiddled with her napkin, folding and unfolding it and finally just crunching it in her lap. "When you were lying in Sickbay, the Doctor mentioned that you might like to have your medicine wheel by your side. Since we couldn't ask B'Elanna this time, I offered to go and get it. So I came here and started looking around." She couldn't meet his eyes, but she knew that he was watching her closely. "I didn't mean to snoop, but when I walked into your bedroom, there was a sound, and I found..." She finally looked up, resolved to face the consequences of her actions. "Shadow."

Chakotay's face was unreadable, and he didn't even blink when he replied, "I see."

"At first I was furious with you," Kathryn couldn't stop herself from admonishing him. "After all, a starship is no place for a pet, and we also can't have any unregistered lifeforms on board. What if we had to evacuate and no one knew she was there?" Chakotay made no move to defend himself, so Kathryn continued. "Anyway, I realized that with you out of commission, someone had to feed her, so I did. I used your replicator, and that's also how I discovered her name."

Chakotay was still watching her, his impassive expression starting to unnerve Kathryn. "I see," he repeated.

"But it doesn't end there," she rushed on, now eager to confess the extent of her guilt and get it over with. "Even after you were released from Sickbay, I continued to visit her because I... because I'd grown fond of her. I know it was wrong; I should have talked to you about her, and tried to find a solution with you. Instead, I betrayed your trust by sneaking in here without your knowledge. I really don't know what came over me."

Kathryn paused for breath, anxiously watching his face for a reaction, any reaction, but still there was none. She had expected him to explode with anger, throw her out and declare their friendship destroyed, but apparently he figured that she wasn't even worth the display of emotion. Her heart sank. All she could do now was to retreat gracefully and hope that they'd still be able to work together come morning.

Tears blurred her vision as she rose, whispering "I'm sorry," as she turned to leave.

"Kathryn," he called after her, "I said I had a present for you."

She froze in her tracks. There was no anger in his tone, instead she heard... amusement? Was he mocking her? She cautiously looked back and found Chakotay smiling at her. Incredulous, she rounded on him, quickly wiping her eyes on her sleeve. "Chakotay, you've got every right to be angry with me. I broke into your quarters, repeatedly, for no good reason other than satisfying my own wishes. If I were any other crewman, I'd expect to be admonished by my commanding officer, as well as receive an official reprimand in my file."

"But you're not any other officer." His eyes were glittering, but Kathryn found herself at a loss to grasp the source of his mirth. "I'll admit I was angry at first when I realized that someone must have been in my quarters and discovered my secret. But I was also relieved that Shadow had apparently been taken well care of and that you had obviously taken a liking to her. Otherwise you'd probably have handed her over to Neelix or Tuvok to find her a suitable planetary habitat."

"I... might have," Kathryn conceded with a slight wince. Then something occurred to her and she narrowed her eyes. "But you can't possibly have known that _I_ was the one who fed her."

Chakotay laughed out loud. "Of course I knew it was you. You covered your tracks too well. There are very few people aboard this ship who can mask their whereabouts completely, without leaving any traces at all. As you must have discovered, even I couldn't conceal _all_ my tampering with the computer. To be so thorough would require either a great deal of in-depth knowledge and criminal energy..." He paused for effect, but she already knew that she'd lost, for the very reasons he mentioned, "or a captain's override code. Besides," he smirked, and Kathryn got a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, "she smells like you."

"She – what?!"

He rose and approached her. When he lowered his head, his nose almost touching her ear, Kathryn instinctively tilted her head back and heard him inhale deeply. "Spring flowers," he whispered, and his warm breath on her neck sent a pleasant chill right down to her toes.

"So – you're not angry?" she asked, still full of disbelief at how easily she was getting off the hook.

"I was," he repeated. "But then I figured it was just punishment for my excessive secrecy. Besides, I'm very happy to know that you and Shadow already get along so well. It'll make the transition much easier for her."

Kathryn felt like she had lost the thread of the conversation somewhere. "Transition?"

In two quick strides, Chakotay had crossed to his bedroom door and opened it. Instantly, Shadow came bounding through and launched herself at Kathryn, almost causing her to trip. A blue bow was tied around the animal's neck, perfectly matching the color of her eyes and tongue. "She's yours," Chakotay said quietly, just as Kathryn knelt down to calm the overexcited creature.

Kathryn's eyes went as wide as Shadow's as she looked up at him. "What do you mean, she's mine?"

"I noticed that you packed away the pictures of Mark after he sent you that letter," Chakotay explained while he joined the two females on the floor. Kathryn was scratching Shadow's neck, and a low, purring sound emanated from the small, black body. "But I also saw that you kept one of your dog around, and more than once I've caught you staring at it. Maybe it sounds strange, but you always seem both happy and sad when you look at it."

Kathryn could only nod, too choked up to speak. Chakotay had nailed her feelings exactly – remembering Mollie always gave her great joy, but at the same time she always felt a pang at the loss of her canine friend.

"So when I saw Shadow on the Certalian station, I thought that this might be a way to give you back part of what you lost," Chakotay finished his explanation.

"But we can't keep a pet on Voyager," Kathryn protested feebly, now getting her hands licked by Shadow.

"Nonsense. Captain Archer had a dog on the Enterprise-NX, and I know for a fact that some families keep cats and other animals on Galaxy-class ships. Allowing pets aboard has always been at the captain's discretion."

Kathryn looked back and forth between Shadow and Chakotay. Sensing that something important was happening, Shadow crawled onto Chakotay's lap and then turned to face Kathryn, blue tongue lolling out as she panted excitedly.

Tears pricked at Kathryn's eyes again, but she smiled through them. "Looks like I'm outvoted. Thank you; I know that Mollie would love you both." On impulse, she leaned forward and awkwardly hugged both man and animal.

The unexpected motion caused Chakotay to lose his balance, and a second later all three of them lay sprawled on the floor of his quarters. Amid much laughter and yapping, they disentangled themselves and Chakotay proceeded to fill Kathryn in on the finer points of caring for her new pet.

-==/\==-

**Epilogue**

Kathryn dipped her right index finger into the almost empty bowl of liquid chocolate and scraped around the bottom. Then she held out her hand, and Shadow's small tongue curled around her finger to lick away every last bit of the treat – or in her case, the source of most of the nutrients her small body required.

With the bowl now empty, Kathryn set it down and leaned back, letting her head rest against Chakotay's shoulder. "That's another one gone," she sighed.

He chuckled. "Don't blame me. It was you who suggested it in the first place. Although when I agreed, I had no idea that there could be another creature aboard Voyager whose appetite for melted chocolate was just as voracious as Shadow's."

She wiggled around until she had turned on her front, her chin now resting on Chakotay's bare chest and her left hand reaching up to wipe away a smudge of brown from the corner of his mouth. "When I told you that I was fond of dipping things into chocolate, I was actually thinking of food – fruit, mainly, and maybe marshmallows. How was I to know that you'd take the dipping to a whole new level?"

"You _were_ thinking what I was thinking," he insisted, grinning as he traced the line of her spine.

His touch made her shiver with the recollection of how he'd poured the warm liquid over her back and then had proceeded to leisurely clean up the mess he'd made. Of course that had been after she'd emptied the first bowl down his front, completely by accident while feeding Shadow, but events had progressed rather quickly from there.

She shifted again, getting more comfortable by his side despite the residual stickiness caused by too much sugar and cocoa butter. "I think I've had enough chocolate for a while though," she mused. "Not that it wasn't delicious, but you know how the saying goes – too much of a good thing..."

Chakotay was silent, still running his hand up and down her back. Then, just as Kathryn was about to doze off, he hooked a finger under her chin and tilted her head up until she was looking at him. His eyes sparkling with mischief, he whispered, "What do you think of strawberries and cream?"

-==/ The End \==-


End file.
